Last Exit To The Super Bowl
West Coast Report # 3
By Christopher Cobb
SG&M Columnist

Photo - Vlad

I am currently in hiding as I now have a number of outstanding debts due to the loss of a certain San Diego team.
My only hope is a bet made earlier this season with a crackpot polygamist friend of mine who put papers to his 1968
Mustang and his third wife (the young one) on the line, because he believes the Patriots will go all the way this year.
Of course this means I have to root for Peyton Manning and the Colts this weekend, quite possibly the most
demeaning thing I have had to do in the name of good old-fashioned, all-American sports betting.  I already have a
buyer lined up for the car and I know some enterprising people in Cambodia who have expressed interest in the girl.
Regardless, I cannot give specifics on my current location.  Suffice it the bourbon is cold, the sand is hot and I am
never far from a satellite TV.  I’ll continue to contribute on a regular basis; however, if my correspondence dries up
completely, consider me MIA and carry on without me.

The stage is set for two phenomenal games this weekend.  Sadly my Chargers will not be there to play.  I am not too
sour about this, as football is not a place for sore losers.  The games will be played with or without you and few, if any
will weep at your absence.  In the meantime, there is money to be bet and won.  And I plan to follow the action to the
bitter end.

Saturday’s match ups were not too surprising.  Brian Billick’s Baltimore Ravens were outplayed by Tony Dungy’s
Colts and things were tight between Philadelphia and New Orleans.  There is a collective country-wide interest in the
Saints making it to the Big Dance, if only to assist in keeping the city of New Orleans around to serve as its perpetual
speakeasy; a Vegas East, but with class, great music, all-night drinking and incredible food.  It is not hard to imagine
a gutted town like New Orleans completely deflating if the NFL pulls its stake out.

Neither game Sunday was a wallop, though both the Seahawks/Bears and Patriot/Charger match-ups were solid
pairings and results came down to who had the last score.  Both contests were sloppy on both sides and decided by the
power of their kicker’s leg.  Still, a win in the playoffs means you move on and a loss means you go the Hell home.  Go
ahead, take the rest of the season off, kid, and let the grown-ups hash things out.

And such was the energy between the Chargers and the Patriots.  San Diego was alive and on paper the stronger team,
but made foolish mistakes and looked like they weren’t used to the madness of post-season.  Yes, New England made
errors too, but never seemed uncomfortable being behind during a playoff game.  They kept their cool, left themselves
available to opportunity and took advantage when it arose.  During the fourth quarter Tom Brady and Co. played like a
completely professional team: collected, patient, and dangerously efficient.  And they kept that up…UNTIL THE
GAME WAS JUST ABOUT OVER.  Then suddenly, the usually stoic New England Patriots started busting moves on
the 50-yard line, pointing to the San Diego bench and jeering in a gaudy parade of pure shitheadedness.

I’m not saying New England didn’t deserve to win. I am saying that fans should wake up to the fact that the Pats are
not the moral standard of the NFL and have not been for a long time. They are a bunch of spoiled blowhards who, for
all their noise about sportsmanship and poise, are no better than the Raiders, Ravens or Vikings when things go their
way.  They are bullies and as bullies, are destined for collapse at the worst possible time.

True story: a major news magazine recently
conducted an experiment with one of the top
computer companies and the Pentagon and
discovered that if the United States had six
battalions (21,500)  of LaDanian Tomlinson
clones, the Iraq war would be won in approx.
four and a half minutes. Total world peace
would be achieved in two weeks. That’s
scientific fact.

What does that tell us about sportsmanship? 
Were the hippies right?  Does the power of
positive thinking really affect the outcome
of things like football and war?  And what
about celebrating too early?  Any goofball
wonk could draw parallels between the Pats’
“In Yo’ Face, Merriman!” dance last weekend
and the President’s “Mission Accomplished”
speech aboard the USS Abe Lincoln back in                        
2004.  We know how things have fared for our
boys in Iraq since then, but can we be sure that
things will be the same with New England?

It would be foolish to not believe Pats' coach Bill Belichick doesn’t have something disastrous up his sleeve for Peyton
Manning.  Coach B. knows if Manning gets his bell rung a few times, he’ll completely lose faith and revert to the fetal
position at midfield.  I am torn, because after San Diego’s loss this weekend and my total hatred of all things Manning,
I can’t see things going any other way.

Somehow the Colts are favored, but only by three points, a spread that made all the difference in more than one game
last weekend.  And the Bears/Saints line is even smaller, favoring Chicago by only two.  I have a proclivity for the
underdog, but believe in my heart Drew Brees and the Saints will pull off a win and it will not be by a tiny margin.  In
fact, I have a hard time believing things will be tight in either game.  A weakness will be exploited and both match-ups
will split open like a pigskin piñata.  Because this is the playoffs and more importantly, this is for the Super Bowl. 

A Bay Area native, Christopher Cobb received his BA in Creative Writing (Fiction, with honors, magna cum laude)
from UCLA in 2003.  He is currently working on a short novel based on the savage, roving gangs of waiters in Old
Pasadena.  When he's not tearing up the 101 to visit his sweetheart in scenic Santa Barbara, Christopher makes his
home in LA's northeastern-most outpost, El Sereno.

Ladanian Tomlinson photo - Lisa Blumenfield, Getty Images video free slots

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